20 Bewildering, Funny And Ridiculous Vintage Ads

Don Draper and company, reminded us how great some of this stuff used to be but prepare to be shocked by some incredibly bewildering vintage ads that would never see the light of day now.

Here are 20 of the most ridiculous advertisements from the past that left us wondering how they ever made it out in print.


THIS ISN’T A SODA BOTTLE

They know that sex sells. Thank heavens!

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This Isn’t A Soda Bottle

 

JAIL JAMAS

Because being married is like being imprisoned. Quite the daring gift indeed.

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Jail Jamas

 

FAULTLESSLY LUBRICATED

We see what you did there but seriously give her a break!

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Faultlessly Lubricated

 

HUSBANDS STAY LOVERS

What does a woman do if the husband’s skin is dry, lifeless and middle-aged?

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Husbands Stay Lovers

 

STAY AWAY FROM DANCE HALLS

Like dance halls are the only place soldiers with venereal disease are at. Or are they postmen?

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Stay Away From Dance Halls

 

GOING STEADY WITH HITLER

Because not being a virgin, means you’re with Hitler?

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Going Steady With Hitler

 

A BEER BEFORE BED

Put your child to sleep with some beer. Reminds us of the “Child Beer” gaffe.

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A Beer Before Bed

 

I TAKE ONE EVERYWHERE I TAKE MY PENIS

It’s better than what your parents used and it works during the day as well as the night! Of course “it” is still a blast.

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I Take One Everywhere I Take My Penis

 

DOCTORS SMOKE CAMELS

Much like the apple, a smoke a day kept kept the doctor away. This was before people knew the harmful effects of smoking.

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Doctors Smoke Camels

 

BUY IT, EVEN IF YOU CAN’T USE IT

Don’t need it? Buy it anyway because we would like to sell some.

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Even If You Can’t Use It

 

START COLA EARLIER

Babies should drink cola for a better life. If only we knew when we were babies!

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Start Cola Earlier

 

LIGHT UP A MARLBORO

Do you smoke before you scold your baby? This ad says you should.

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Light Up A Marlboro

 

A REAL MAN

Charles Atlas is going to make you a real man. Naturally.

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A Real Man

 

A CHRISTMAS GIFT

A gun makes everybody happy. Receive a free catalogue in the mail!

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A Christmas Gift

 

ATOMIC FALLOUT

97% can survive an atomic blast in a shelter? What about the other 3%?

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Atomic Fallout

 

ACCIDENTAL DISCHARGE IMPOSSIBLE

Papa says it won’t hurt us. And by “it” he means his “revolver”.

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Accidental Discharge Impossible

 

GROW YOUR OWN, SMOKE YOUR OWN

Well, it’s nice she’s teaching her daughter to share.

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Grow Your Own

 

THE MORE YOU PLAY WITH IT, THE HARDER IT GETS

 It took us a few seconds to figure out that this is in fact an ad for a videogame console! We though it meant you-know-what when it mentioned “pulling and squeezing your knob.”

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The More You Play Wit It, The Harder It Gets

 

RADIOACTIVE PROPERTIES

Beneficial radioactive properties in a day cream? Why sign me up!

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Radio Active Properties

 

AILING HORSEPOWER

This one’s actually funny though. Perhaps the only one on this list that is.

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Ailing Horsepower

 

Have you come across any strange vintage ads? Share them with us!

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